Current mood:	confused
Current music:	Belly - Star

Bills bills bills
I have cigarettes, which is good.
The man got paid today.
We're really struggling from paycheck to paycheck these days.
I really need a job but for some reason it's proving really difficult.
Maybe it's because, somewhere deep inside (or maybe not so deep inside) I really don't want one.
I need to write the story for LB's little game, I guess I'm waiting for the oppertune moment. I haven't written anything of note since Darkness, and that was a fair few months ago, I would check the date on it, but it'll probably just piss me off.
I need to learn PHP for Hollow Dreams but it's soooooo bloody difficult.
I remeber the halcyon days of a couple of summers ago when I'd get up, write, sleep, repeat. It'd be nice to do that again. Still, the only thing stopping me is myself. I have a good idea for this story for LB, so I guess I just need to sit down and do it.
I'm going to risk the unfixed loft ladder to go up into my little dark den and try that out.
Jade was right, I need some kind of space that's just mine to work in. Only thing is that I'm going to have to handwrite it, and that one's gonna sting.
I got wax on my cigarette *puff and puffs and puffs, gives up and pulls the end off*
A friend is perstering me to get a LiveJournal.
They're free now.
So ok, that's all well and good, only shatteredroses now seems to be open source for people to pillage, so I need to think of something inventive. Maybe the world's against me, or maybe it's just because the world and his wife have a LiveJournal, but almost everything I can think of is taken.
I'm gonna wait a month for one of the names I like that's just been deleted and see if I can snag it I guess.
I keep having these really wierd dreams.
The first one was two nights ago. I can't remember much about it, just that there were a lot of Romantic poets involved.
The only guys I can remember for sure are Lord B and Leigh Hunt.
Tom Kyd may have been there too, we were all supposed to be executed and were chained to the side of Tower Bridge, but it must have been falling apart or something, because I can remember looking down and seeing all these raw beams and poles exposed. Someone was drowning, but I can't remember who.
The night before last I dreamt about finding this kitten for sale in this tiny little shop near where I grew up. It was grey with huge ears, almost batlike, and was called Spook for some reason.
Then last night I dreamt about that cat again, but this time, in addition to the huge ears, it had three eyes and was missing a leg. Again, it wasn't far from where I grew up.
Jade says things are kicking off for her, so maybe it's something to do with all the fire and brimstone we threw at it when I was down there.
Speaking of Jade, I may as well throw in my second gallery of photos in here.

Allegra in Black

These were taken on my new digital camera, which is nice, but I still find myself lusting after and old fashioned stills camera with a roll of Ilford film in it.
Mmmmmmmmmm.
Ilford.
And my own dark room, that'd be nice.
All this talk of dreams has reminded me of one time where I had these really vivid, horrid dreams and a friend of mine told me to write them down, and when I protested that I wouldn't know where to start, prompted me with the line "I wish I was dreaming . . . dreaming is more fun . . . It's certainly less painful . . ."
Anyway, this is what came out:

In Dreams

I wish I was dreaming . . . dreaming is more fun . . . It's certainly less painful. Last night I dreamed that I was Kit, that his brother had died and there was a cemetery where the loved ones could go, where the ghosts could rise from the tombs at night and everything was cold and grey. I dreamt that there were people sleeping there, in vaults, on top of tombs, just waiting. Waiting for the time the ghosts of those they loved would step from the tombs and lie with them. I dreamt that Kit's brother had been kept for a long time, for examination, for an autopsy, that there was nothing left of his body but this thick, viscous liquid. That the family wanted something more solid to hold on to, some more pertinent tie to his death, so they took him to a witch who lived in a house floored with straw and full of animals. She lifted a lamb from the floor and pushed it into the open coffin, under the slush and the liquid, drowning it in the remnants of the body . . . Then I dreamed that I was in a farmhouse, and there were lots of puppies there, there was something unnerving about the dogs, but I can't remember what it was. We were supposed to be getting away, running away from someone before they found us, only I can't remember who 'they' were. We were sleeping in an attic with a huge steepled roof like a tent, full of sleeping bags, but it must have been to late, they must have found us. All I can remember is that they were shooting at us, and we were running, running so hard, but we couldn't quite get away. There was this man, I don't know who he was, he might have been a friend. They shot him just below the elbow, it ripped the whole bottom half of his arm off . . . I can't remember any more after that, I'm surprised I an remember that at all, it was so vague. More diffuse things I've forgotten already. The next thing I remember, there was this huge house, almost like a ruin cut into the bare rock. There was some kind or party, things got disordered, there was gore and mess and rubbish and something was planted in the chaos, we knew it was there but we didn't act fast enough, we were lazy I guess. There were these dogs, only they were flayed, made of blood and flesh and nothing else, they were chained into the mire, or had meathooks dug deep into their flesh, they were strainging against them, but they couldn't get away. There was something chasing us, but I don't know what it was. Then there was this plant, or something like a plant, it had a long thin tongue and was eating these creatures, again, after that I don't remember anything . . . I wish I was dreaming . . . dreaming is more fun . . . It's certainly less painful.

And on that particularly random note, I'll leave you for now.