Current mood:	confused
Current music:	The Cure - Same Deep Water As You

Platitudes and Plainsong
Well, things have been better.
To say I had a fight with Niccie, is not really to do it justice, there was no screaming and shouting, no throwing things, I just very calmly and sadly told him that I thought we were two very different people, that it had been my fault for pushing myself on him five years ago, and it was never going to work. He got pretty mad, but after a while we sat and talked and cried. I tried to explain why I felt the way I do. I don't want to get trapped in a 9-5 life. I want poetry and Romance and all things in abandon in my life. He's not the spontaneous sort, and he seems to have lost all direction in the last few years.
But the more we talked, the more he insisted he could give me all the things I wanted, the more he told me that I should stay and try and build my life towards my dreams, not leave and chase blindly after them.
Maybe he's right, either way I said I'd see the week out and we'd see how things went, see if we really can change the way we are together, see if it really is possible to work towards something that gives me everything I want, dreams and wild nights and doing something and to Hell with the consequences.
Money's still really bad, I don't know how long we'll be able to last up here. I don't want a job, but I'm not sure I can see any way out of it. Perhaps, like Niccie says, things really will work out. We'll get another loan that'll leave us no worse off than we are now and give ourselves a couple more months.
In a couple of months I can have The Perfect Lie finished, I know it. When that's done, it means two things. I can finally push to get it published, and I can finally start work on my next project, something that's been stewing for a few months, something based around Ezekiel from 'Smile, You're Dead'.
Also been fighting with Ayesha, a friend of mine that I used to game with on New Bremen, played Devon's long suffering gal Glory. I know she's having a really hard time at the moment, but our friendship was suffering for it hard. Anyway, we talked it through, it went better than most of my arguments with people tend to go. I guess we'll give that one some time too and see how it goes. See if we can go back to the days when we adored each other and drove each other and she was the little dynamo behind my writing. I miss that a lot.
Hrmmmm, other news.
Just a couple of things really.
I'm in love. I found this WONDERFUL little Flash game. Well, I say found, it's doing the rounds in Wraith circles. Either way, it's utterly wonderful. Wraith: the Oblivion meets Tim Burton.
So get clicky.
I've also drawn some more Ponies on commissions from friends that want them.
I should really start charging for them.
So, if you guys are here looking for your Ponies, here they are.

	For Faerie Nuff, A friend of mine and now of DeadJournal fame. You can find her DJ here if you're interested. Lovely girl really, who needed something to back up her recent identity change :)
	This one's for Toy, She also answers to the names Severin, Halo, Jade, and a number of other things, so I tried to draw her something that could work with all of them. Although it probably works best with Toy. She's also just got herself a DeadJournal. Yes I am forming my own little club. You can find her journal here

One last thing.
Struggling with Hollow Dreams. Don't know what's going on with that, most everyone seems incapable of getting their shit done. The Newsletter was supposed to go out a week ago and I STILL haven't heard from the girl in charge of editing it. I still don't know PHP well enough to do anything, there's still no Werewolf game, and everyone keeps telling me how busy they are. It's gotta be crunch time for that chat soon. Either it's got to get off it's ass and start working, or I'm going to have to leave it to give more time to my writing. The only reason I'm not considering that already is because there's only so many hours in the day that I can actually write anyway. It's just a matter of giving me enough time to make sure that those hours ARE spent writing, but then giving me enough to do that it's not my whole world and I don't get sick of it in a second.
That's about it for now.
I'm not sure if Niccie and I are going to work out, I still don't know whether I'll be staying or going at the end of the week.
Things have to change.
But for the first time since we got together 5 years ago I'm starting to think that maybe they can . . .
I guess time will tell.